I cant stand it anymore..

I hate my life. I’ve said a couple of times before but now I really mean it. I hate my life. I hate my family. Especially my bro. he started complaining about me to my parents but I didn’t do anything.

I told my parents that I wanted to go to the reunion party that is going to be held tomorrow at holiday villa. It’s a barbeque party. My parents agree with me that I can go. And then, a few days after I told my parents, my bro heard about it and started complaining about me. He said that I can go out so many times with friends this holidays. I went out just 5 times this holidays. But he went out like 10 times? He said that I can go out at night to that reunion but he cant go out with his friends at night. Like so what?

He’s just jealous because my parents let me. He did go out at night to a dinner that his college organize. And he even went to a dinner that his gf’s college organize but he said to my parents that it is his college one. I knew its not true but I didn’t tell my parents coz I know if I tell, my bro will start complaining if I go out. So I decided to kept quiet about it. But then he still complains about me.

I knew once he actually went out with his girlfriend but he told my mum that he is going to the library at his college. But I still kept quiet coz I don’t want to create trouble. but still, he complains about me. He said that I waste my dad’s money coz I went to Mexico. But my dad didn’t even complain about it. My bro is the one that just saying things that is not true coz when he wanted to go to a camping trip, my parents didn’t let him coz my parents were worried if anything happens to him coz that time my parents were not in Malaysia and there’s one time he told my parents that he wants too visit his friend in Indonesia and my parents didn’t let him coz there’s no adult since he is 18.

There’s this time he told my parents he wants to go to some trip with his friends to somewhere in Malaysia and my parents asked how is he going and he said by car with his friends. Of course my parents didn’t let him go coz they know how teenagers drive in Malaysia. Speeding without worrying if something happen. My parents still don’t let him drive far away coz there’s ones when he was driving and there’s this other car tried to take his lane and he was like mad and speed like hell. Its not my bro’s road or something to be mad. He just pass his driving test and he wants to be mad at some people that maybe had drive 20 years. How should my parents trust him on driving?

Apparently, I did a new specs coz my old one broke and my bro still complains that I waste money and stuff. How should I look clearly without my specs? Want me to be blind? Why cant I just live peacefully without any complains from my bro? My mum change her mind of letting me go to the reunion barbeque party coz my bro complains. And she thought it was not fair and stuff. But she just don’t know the truth that my bro went to his gf’s party last year and said it was one of his friend from school.

I just don’t know why he likes to complain even though I didn’t even tell my parents about him. I lied to my parents for him. He just don’t know how to appreciate what I did for him.

And now I just feel that I don’t need my life anymore.. why should I need my bro if he keeps complaining about me to my parents and not appreciate me for lying to parents for him? Why should I need him? Why should I live if I don’t have a peaceful life with my family especially my bro? why should I live if I am the one that always gets hurt? Why should I live then? I just hope that god take away my life and give it to some people that is trying to live from some sickness. And may the person live happily.

Since I was small, I always wanted to run away from home or kill myself when I fight with my bro but I told myself not to. I just love him so much till I cried so bad when I fight with him.Although i told you that i hate him but deep inside my heart I still love him because I know he is the only person that can make my day other then my parents and friends and my eldest bro that is studying in overseas. I always love him although he always makes me mad. Because I know he is the one that can give me love as a sibling other than my parents and friends. And now I realize that its just stupid for me to love him since he always hurts my feelings.

And to my 2nd brother, if you are reading this, please try to understand me and love me back as your sister. I always love you although you hurt my feelings a lot. Love from you as a brother is the only thing I want from you. Nothing else. Nothing else from you that can make me happy.

To my eldest brother, thanks for loving me as your sister although I seldom talk to you. I want you to know that I always love both of you. And love mum and dad.

Sorry for posting such a long post. but this is the way i want to let my feelings go. I cant keep it all by myself anymore.. Like before this, i never tell anyone my problems.. but now, i cant just keep it myself anymore, its time for me to let it go. This post is just one of my problems. and it is so hard for me to tell but i just have to, coz i cant stand it anymore.

3 things

Survey is what i do when i'm bored

3 Hobbies
- hanging out
- Enjoying coffee at starbucks or coffee bean with friends
- online. =D

3 Things on my to-do list
- Call my twin sister. to confirm the outing next week
- go to times square in US and shop! till i drop.
- disneyland.. mmmm. =D

3 Unique Traits
- i talk alone sometimes
- roll my eyes none stop
- faithfull to someone for years. haha

3 Favourite Drink
- Ice Lemon Tea. =)
- Coffee Bean's Ice Blended Mocha or Caramel
- All the drinks at Starbucks or Coffee Bean or San Francisco Coffee

3 Passions
- All my mates and best friends!
- Handphones and iPod. cant live without them!
- Achieving a fantastic career & lifestyle

3 Awesome Movies
- Harry Potter- all of them
- Just Like Heaven
- ALL!!

3 Good Bands
- Pussycat Dolls
- All American Rejects
- Most of them!

3 Things I am anal about
- Bad Mood = Further away from me, the better =)
- i dont know..
- Guys whom are jerks. pretend to not hear when i say i hate him.

3 Random Men- that u always talk to
- Papa.
- Hakim and Hafiz - bro
- Matt
-Izham - cousin

3 Bad Habits
-Can't tell people off - unless I really couldn't care less about them
- my shy attitude
- love to hangout with my twin.- which is always ppl dont do that to their twin =P

3 Painful Experiences
- heart-broken
- accident
- bad dreams

3 Treasured Memories
- September 4 - 14 2006.
- Mexico moments.
- Holiday moments.

3 Goals before 30
- Own fantastic house with my own money
- Happily Married.
- A career that rocks!

3 Biggest Fears
- To confess or Confession
- exams.
- being hurt.

3 Favourite Dessert
- Baskin Robin's ice creams and shakes and drinks!
- Coffee Bean's Chocolate Swirl Cheesecake
- Mrs. Fields' cookies or Famous Amos' cookies

Holidays - Vacation - Away..

hey everyone.. i haven't blog for quite some time.. it's because i'm always busy these days.. i'm not at home always..

Starting from tomorrow, 1st of December 2006, i will be away from Malaysia.. I'm going for vacation. So, i will not be here..
Till then..


Have a nice holidays guys! Take care..



Signing out..
Bubye..
.Alya.

Girls Day Out.

I woke up at 8.30 by my handphone ringing. Sigh. Hanisah called. She said she'll come to my house at 9 a.m. So, i woke up that time and refresh myself and went downstairs. Had cereal for my breakfast. After breakfast i waited for hanisah to come. It was 9 though. I waited and waited but she hasn't come yet. It was 9.30 when she arrived. Sigh. I can still go to sleep and have a nice dream if i know that she's going to come half an hour late. =P So, i had my bath after 10 minutes talking to her.

At 10 a.m we went out and went to our old friends house. At 11, we headed to 'The Mines' shopping complex. We went straight to the cinema. We wanted to watch 'Happy Feet' (which it was the 2nd time for me.. the show is fun! =D) but unfortunately, we saw this whole group of kindergarten kids. I think it was around 40 or 50 kids. Then we asked the person at the counter is there any available tickets for the show Happy Feet but the man said that the kindergarten school booked the whole cinema. Haha. I was shocked. So we decided to watch the 'Red Kebaya'. It's a good story.

After the show, we went shopping! =D The best part for the day! hehe.. Bought clothes and accessories. Hanisah was jealous because i get to buy more things than her. haha =) . It was fun. I wanted to buy more things but since I'm going for a holiday this Friday, i decided not to buy many things..

the last day of school 2006.

it's the last day.. we enjoyed our day by playing cards and taking pictures.. it's so fun. first we played card games. then suddenly Pn. Yeoh came in our class and nagged about our class's badness. She said we always caused troubles and blablabla. she spoiled my day about half an hour. ahaha . after that, i played 'speed' with farhana using the UNO cards. Some other students are playing poker. then Yeoh saw and warned them to keep the card because poker is not allowed. anyways, after recess i helped teacher key in the marks. After an hour, i went back to class. All of us took group pictures and cam whoring. =P it was fun. there are some pictures that we took.anyway, hope we will still be in the same class. 2 gamma 2006 is the best of all. love all of ya!

Eng Khim, Ryan and Yongming playing UNO cards.

girls talk! =P



three cute faces. it's eng khim, farhana, and nadzlin.

look at ryan's serious face!! :D


are they fighting or joking? :P haha. it's ryan and hanisah. ryan likes to disturb her. =D

group pic of 2 gamma.
from up left to right- eng khim, wanjun, me, hanisah, annie, farhana, ryan and yongming.
down left to right - matthew, yee leng.

all of us. rite before going home.
p/s to ryan : u'r the president! :D

all of us that came to school. look at lih shyan(top second from left). =P

today.!

hey.. today i went to One U with my cousin and that 'guy'. damn it. he still doesn't understand that i don't want him. i am sick of him.. anyways., we all went into most of the shops. =D bought some clothes at top shop and other shops and bought some stuff. quite a lot actually. =P they paid for me... at first i refused but then they said that they still want to pay, so i let them.. :) thanks a lot to both of you. i bought them things too. so fair and square. i went into the mph bookstore too. i checked out the books there.. and suddenly i found a book that made me shocked. i couldn't remember the title of the book. it's 'guide for your life,love life, and sex.' something like that. so i open the book. and it opened at the sex section and i was like 'oh my god' the book have like 1 million things about it. i was like ' what the .... ' and i quickly put back the book and go away from it... i was really shocked. Next, we went to T.G.I Fridays. we spent like 2 hours in there? i guess. anyways i am so tired. but i had fun today..

exam's over!

hey! exam's over~! yay!! school holiday's gonna start soon.. =D

haihs.. i'm bored. i dont know what to do.. haihs.. *talking to hanisah on the phone now*
she always talks crap. =P

i'm sad.. school's gonna be over and i won't meet my school mates until next year.. some of them are going to move.. two months without school mates and close friends.. it's a bad sign. coz i'm gonna be boring sitting at home. friends are one of the most important people in my life

FRIENDS + ME = HAPPY LIFE!

and now i'm trying to figure out where my dad's gonna bring my family for holidays. He said it's a surprise.. *wondering* why must he suprise us? I hope it's gonna be a place that i'm gonna have fun and forget all the problems i have in mind.

anyways, i gtg. see ya next time. bubye..

hey..

hey guys..

i just want to say sorry for not blogging for so long already since i went to mexico.

well..
since coming back from mexico, i've been busy with my studies. I've got to catch up with my studies since my finals are on 30 october - 6 november. It's in 3 weeks time. So, I'm busy getting ready.

I'm going to start blogging back after my finals and I'll tell you about my experience in mexico that time.

Till then..
Bye.

*D.O.W.N*

I am feeling down.

I am pratically feeling down.

Seriously down.

Why do i feel down?

I seriously dont know.

Are u guys out there feeling down?

If you are,

Don't worry coz i am too.

U guys know why you're down?

Because i don't know why i am down.

Who knows?

Wanna tell me why?

Coz probably I'm down because of it too.

Anyone have an idea why?

I'm down.

Seriously down.

And i don't know why..

Hmmm..

Strange.



I AM PRATICALLY DOWN AND DUMB COZ DOING THIS LAME THING. AHAHAH. YOU KNOW WHY??? COZ I'M BORED. AHAHA

You know what's bored?
B.O.R.E.D

You know how to spell it? *ahahah*
IT'S B. O. R. E. D.

ahaha. sorry if u guys are offended reading this post. coz i'm really bored.

too happy to say anything~

I'm going to mexico!! Ahaha! Last thursday 8 of my classmates including me was offered to go to mexico for a conference.. The people that are choosen are Wei Lian, Nadzlin, Yong Ming, Farhana, Muzaffar, Annie, Matthew and me. I didn't expect that I was choosen. Too happy. =) It's because of the 100 clouds project. It's worth it i slept at 5 a.m to complete the 100 clouds. wee~~ we are representing the country!! haha! yeap. The conference is going to be held at leon, mexico. From the 8th till 10th. It's about leadership, thinking skills, solving problems and much more! =D It's once in a lifetime opportunity. We'll gonna meet students from all over the world! All of us will be sponsered by the organizers for the food and the hotel. We have to pay RM 5000 for the ticket to and fro. Haihs..

But guess wat? My parents just told me this morning that they let me go! wee!! Yay!! I'm going!! To Mexico!! With Friends!! Haha YAY!! I hope i can get as much information about leadership.. I'm looking forward for this conference in the mean time spending time with friends in Mexico!! WEE~~ I love my mum and dad. Thank god for all this. =D

FRIENDS~~

Friends are the most important thing in my life. Without them, I don't think i'll survive in this world. Friends are the colour of my life. Friends are the light of my life. They are everything to me. They are the best =) . I appreciate every one of them. I love them a lot. Friends are the one who brighten up my day. To everyone who knows me, i hope we will be friends, best friends, close friends, very very very close best friends FOREVER. I hope our friendsip will never end. I hope we get to keep in touch forever. Thanks a lot my friends. Without you, i'll never be me. All of you are the ones that make me be myself. I love all of you. Thanks a lot for being my friends. I appreciate it. =D

i'll never get my strength back.

Thanks to all my friends that support me, especially, shasha and hanisah.. Although they think that i'll get back my smile on my face someday.. but i dont think i will. How should i smile if my feelings dont.. I tried to be happy although inside i dont. but i just cant. I dont have the strength. I'm not strong enough like u, hanisah. U'r strong to hide the sadness that u feel. but i'm not as strong as you. It took away all my strength. Maybe after this i wont be the same me anymore.. MAYBE. There's just one thing that can help me get my strength back. Theres just one thing that can make me stay the same. There's just one thing that can make me smile back like always. One thing. Only one.

projects

There's so many projects every year. First, it was sivic. After sivic, it was arts. After arts, it was KGT. After KGT, its going to be sejarah.. and i hope sejarah is going to be the last one.. or not i'm going to be dead. Projects can be fun sometimes if we do it in a group but it wont be fun if we do it alone. Outdoor projects is fun unlike indoors, where we have to type all those things and print it which take a long time.

i wont give up!

I WONT GIVE UP!! I wont say the word give up! remember matt, the competition is still on and i won't say give up! im bored!!! just got back from the hospital. i'm planning strategies.. haha jkjk. school today was okay.. i was mad just a few minutes before school starts. i wanted to copy the geografi notes but my friends block me. that time i started writing already and they came to me and said dont copy and they can still rub of the notes that i copy.. i was so mad! guess what i did? i shouted at them! serve them rite! I shouted in front of li-shien's face! who ask her to rub off the notes! she think she so great meh? haihs. if anyone do that again, i'll give a handful slap on their face. so better watch out! i hate people like that ok! im a good friend but a bad enemy. ahaha!! =P

not in the mood to do anything..

i'm so not in the mood rite now. dunnoe why. stress i guess. doing all those projects makes me rather die. it's so frustrating. *sigh* sick of all those projects.

anyway, i have a mission to do. u wanna know what? it's tickling matthew till death! ahahaha!! he's planning strategies on how to tickle me till death. and i have my own plans! mwahaha! MATT, WE'LL SEE WHO DIES FIRST!!. MWAHAHAHA!!

Fun Day.

School today was way fun. what we did was copy geo notes, played, played, played and played. haha. Fun. Where in the world did all the teachers go? I have no idea about that. All missing to give us chance to play =P 2 Gamma became sports centre just now.. ahahaha. One part of the class was playing arm wrestling, another part was doing push ups, and one more part is playing football. How smart are we? =P ahaha. lolzx. anyway, it was fun. I dont regret for going to school today. No homework for the weekends? yeapp. If it's gonna be like this every week , i love school! haha. I've finish copying the geo notes bab 12 and 13. Thanks to everyone for cooperating. I hope Pn. Yeoh won't babble and nag when she comes in our class. She didnt realize that if she nag she wasted our time like can copy notes one whole page. *sigh*. But still i dont want to talk bad about her. Wasting my energy and time. Better don't talk than talk. Anyway, i'm so tired rite now. Just now i ran around the class around 50 rounds i think. haha. all because of matthew. haha =P jkjk. Anyway matt, nice chasing today. haha. lolzx.

arghh!! my hand!!

OMG. Guess what happen to my hand? My hand become worse back. It was after reccess... All the teachers are in the staff room because they had meeting. So, everyone was all over the class.. I was seating on my table and was mouth fighting with Alan. Kim Poh was there too. Then i dunnoe what happen. Too pain to remember. All i can remember was that time Kim Poh was fighting with me and Alan. He was holding Alan's hand and my hand so we can't beat him. Then, that time, Alan was trying to fight back, and Kim Poh was protecting himself at the same time holding Alan's hand and my hand. And when I and Alan was fighting back, Kim Poh who forgotten that my right hand is still in the stage of recovering, went and twisted my right hand like 360 degrees. And that time i shouted "Argghh!!! My hand!! My hand!!!!! My hand!!!!!!!!! " Then i stood up suddenly tears streamed down my cheeks. I put my head on the table and tried to detain from pain. And that time i was really really in pain. Tears streamed down my cheeks like waterfall. I didn't wanna cry but it felt so pain until my tears dropped itself. And the next thing i knew was some of my friends were looking at me like watching movie =P Matthew can still ask me to play arm wrestling with him. Kim Poh and Alan tried to make jokes and make me laugh and i did laugh but i'm still crying that time. And i dont know why i can't stop crying that time. It was so painful plus some more its my right hand. The hand that is still recovering from pain and it become more worse now.

today.. a boring day..

School is boring and quite fun today.. it's boring coz a few of my friends didn't come. it's Hanisah, Farhana, and Nadia.. Nadia went for the KRS thingy. Hanisah is sick. Farhana.. i don't know what happen to her.. Syafiqah went home after maths because she's sick! why is everybody sick? izzit bcoz of the weather? or izzit some kind of dissease? haha. so there's shasha, sheng ling, yee leng, adrienne, marissa, bianca, yvonne, annie, natalie & rosliana for girls.. now i realize that there are just a few girls in my class. 16 girls and 23 guys.. i'm bored. no entertainment. haha. there's no program on tv.. did my homework an hour ago. there's just one more thing that i have to do.. practice my oral.. but i've already read it a lot of times.. so, i get bored of it. =P i need 100 plus! ahaha. i wanna be high, active and drunk! 100 plus makes me high and drunk. haha. serious.. instead of alchohol, 100 plus is enough to make me drunk! haha ;) i have KGT folio to do.. there are two more weeks till the deadline. thank god my hand is recovering from pain. open the bandage already.. but the i still can't move my hand much if not it will be in bandage back.. i hate wearing bandage.. it makes me feel uncomfortable..

BORED TO DEATH

Im so bored!! :| i've got two more projects to do. it makes me sick! ahaha. haihzz.. ZZZzzzz. i'm so bored until i get crazy!! Wooohooo.. ahaha. i have no idea what am i talking about. i have tution tomorrow but i havent finish my homework. what a good step to get scolded. ahhaha. see, i told ya im crazy now.. talking crap a lot. school today is quite fun. i want more fun and enjoyable. =D
i love my friends, best friends,close friends. i love all of them. see, i'm getting more crazy.. haha. lolz. just kidding. i'm still normal okay!! ahaha.

My Poetry.

She walked through the hallways lonely and depressed.
She was always self-conscious of how she is.

She always wanted to impress one special guy.
Every minute and everyday.

She always looked at him from across the room.
Everytime she thinks about him her heart goes boom.

She wants him to love her.
He was the want she adores most.

She thinks of him everyday.
She always tries not to but she can't.

She wants him and her to be together.
And from across the room she would gaze.

She kept all her love and feelings stuck inside.
She couldnt figure it out why she wanted it all to hide.

She tried to get together all the things that she would have said.
But she couldn't get it all straight when he's in front of her.

decorating the class whole day.

hey! sory i didnt write for so long adi.. haihs. today at school got 'gotong royong' but its not gotong royong.. its like decorating the class and it makes me feel really really exhausted. yesterday i slept like for two hours only.. haihs.. really tired. just now i decorate the class.and i forgotten about the thing. haiyoo. sorry. i paste the polka dots thingy at the notice board boarder.then, clean the class. then, cut the alphabets.. wanted to use the alphabets for the slogan, but my childish friends :P end up decorating it like a kindergaten centre. ahaha. nvm. its ok.. when the judges came, they ask matthew wheres our class slogan, but we dont have one.. haihs.. but luckily now we have it already.. hope the judges will go another round tomorrow. so thats all for today.

My life and parents

Hye everyone! Before this I always thought that my life is boring. But now, I think my life is great with a great family and nice friends. To all bloggers out there, don't hate your parents if they don't listen to you or they don't give what you want. They know what they're doing and they know what's the best for you. If they don't give you what you want, that doesn't mean that they don't love you. It's just they know what's the best for you. They are adults. They know what's good or bad for you. So, to all bloggers, don't hate your parents. Love them. They know what's the best for us. Keep reading my online journal as a teenager.

First time

hey! This is my first time writing. Before this i read people's one. Now, i decided to have one. Keep on reading my online journal.